Five Joyous Tips for Being Happy

by Marelisa · Comments

happiness

“ When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy.’ They told me I didn’t understand the assignment and I told them they didn’t understand life.” — Anonymous

Make a List of 20 Things You Like to Do, And Then Do Them

In a video I found on YouTube the lecturer explains that if you don’t have a list of twenty things you like to do, then you don’t have a menu for being able to enjoy life. The list needs to include things that are fun, as well as things that give you a sense of accomplishment. Then every day you have to do some of the things that are on your list.

If your energy is low you might not feel like doing the items on your list. That is, your strategy might be to wait until your energy level is back up. However, you have to do the items on your list whether you feel like it or not. If you make yourself do it, if it’s something that you’ve enjoyed in the past, or something that has given you a sense of accomplishment in the past, there’s a good chance that you’ll enjoy it again, which will give you your energy back. So every day by intentionally doing things you enjoy– even if it’s petting your dog or drinking a cup of coffee–what you’re doing is building up your energy resources.

Happy People Don’t Watch a Lot of Television

An article published in the New York Times in November of 2008 explains that happy people don’t spend a lot of time watching television. The study was trying to identify what activities happy people engage in and they discovered an inverse relationship between hours of television watched and happiness. Even though researchers could not tell whether unhappy people watch more television or whether being glued to the TV set is what makes people unhappy, it’s safe to conclude that watching television is not conducive to happiness.

Pleasant Emotions: Elevation and Other Self-Transcending Emotions

I’ve written about positive psychology on this blog before: while psychology has long focused on what goes wrong, in the past decade there has been an explosion of interest in “positive psychology”—what makes us feel good and why. Now there is a word to describe a feeling that has always existed but has just moved out of the realm of philosophy and religion and been recognized as a distinct emotional state. It’s “elevation”, a term coined by University of Virginia psychologist Jonathan Haidt. (Source)

Elevation is the physical sensation that comes from witnessing goodness in others. It evokes in us a desire to become a better person, or to lead a better life. UC Berkeley psychologist Dacher Keltner is a pioneer in the study of elevation and he explains that it’s characterized by a warm, open, pleasant feeling, “liquid warmth in the chest and a lump in the throat.”

The emotion of elevation can be triggered by listening to great oratory, like Martin Luther King’s speech “I Have a Dream”; many people felt elevation on November 4th when they listened to Barack Obama’s victory speech. It can also be triggered by watching a stranger helping another stranger.

In Haidt’s article “Elevation and the Positive Psychology of Morality” he includes an anecdote from Thomas Jefferson’s life. In 1771 Jefferson’s  friend Robert Skipwith wrote to him asking for advice on what books to buy for his library. Jefferson sent back a long list of titles in history, philosophy, and natural science. He also included some works of fiction and he justified this advice by pointing to the beneficial emotional effects of great fiction:

“[E]very thing is useful which contributes to fix us in the principles and practice of virtue. When any … act of charity or of gratitude, for instance, is presented either to our sight or imagination, we are deeply impressed with its beauty and feel a strong desire in ourselves of doing charitable and grateful acts also . . .

[I ask whether] the fidelity of Nelson, and generosity of Blandford in Marmontel do not dilate [the reader's] breast, and elevate his sentiments as much as any similar incident which real history can furnish? Does he not in fact feel himself a better man while reading them, and privately covenant to copy the fair example?”

Elevation is part of the family of self-transcending emotions. Other self-transcending emotions include:

  • Awe: That sense of vastness of the universe that is often invoked by nature, art or music.
  • Admiration: That goose-bump-making thrill that comes from seeing exceptional skill in action.
  • Gratitude: That feeling of well-being that comes from the sense that we live in a world of bounty and generosity.

Keep the Secular Sabbath

Last Fall Mark Bittman, food columnist for “The New York Times”, began a self-imposed Saturday day of rest with much of the same no-work, no-electronics restrictions as the Jewish Sabbath.  He was in desperate need of a day of real rest from technology, including his computer and the internet, the TV, and his cellphone.  Since then the Secular Sabbath has been gaining traction among time-starved people who have begun to unplug one day a week. (Source)

Surround Yourself with Happy People

New research shows that happiness is indeed contagious. Professors Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler from the University of California in San Diego have carried out research on the impact of social networks on happiness. In a study published today in the British Medical Journal they found that happiness really is contagious, and that it doesn’t really matter how many friends you have, but how happy they are and how close to you they live.

In addition, the researchers found that the merriment of one person can ripple out and cause happiness in people up to three degrees away: that is, if you’re happy, you increase the chance of joy in your close friend by 25%; a friend of that friend enjoys a 10% increased chance. And that friend’s friend has a 5.6% higher chance. So your level of happiness can affect the level of happiness of people you don’t even know. Here are several news sites that reported on this study:

Creative Commons License photo credit: notsogoodphotography -

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  • Wow, that last part was really interesting. I think I am generally happy, but now that I know I can really have an impact on the happiness of my close friends like that, I will be more conscious of not venting to them about every little thing.

    Reading your blog makes me happy and I'm going to pay the happy forward!

    <abbr>Laurin @ Laurin and Kelly Talks last blog post..White Shirt Wednesday - For Love of J. Crew</abbr>
  • I've been without TV for two years. I was kind of a junkie before that, but I'll never go back. I'm happier than I've ever been, but I wouldn't have the WD if I still had the TV.

    <abbr>Writer Dads last blog post..Writer Dad in Rough Draft</abbr>
  • Mare
    Hi Laurin: Isn't that interesting? So your level of happiness is being affected by complete strangers. I'm glad reading my blog makes you happy :-)
  • Mare
    Hi Writer Dad: I limit my TV watching to CNN and to a couple of good shows. Although I'm a sucker for Christmas specials so I'll have to control my TV watching during the next few weeks :-)
  • Keeping the secular Sabbath is really helpful. Lately I'm getting much better at disconnecting from technology on the weekend. (Not completely, but there's progress). Come Monday morning, I feel significantly more recharged.
  • I do not watch a lot of TV and when I do, it's comedy. :-) I have recently been told that I am "so positive" "chipper" "have such a pleasant attitude". Sometimes there is sarcasm in the voice who speaks to me. Often I find "happy people" are criticized, especially these days.

    One thing that always lifts my spirits is getting some fresh air.
  • I have a perfect story to go along with "elevation" - from just this morning. I took my youngest son (4th grade) to the bus stop. It was cold out today (5 degrees F). He usually has been staying in the car until the bus arrives. Today, he wanted to get out and wait. And then, two other younger girls who get on also, got out of their car. One of them didn't have mittens on, and was trying, without success to get hers on. My son took his gloves off, and then proceeded to help her get her mittens on. Then, he got his basketball out of his backpack, and played catch with the two little girls (1st grade and kindergarten). And, my son - is normally "all boy". But you could just see he was laughing, and really making these two little girls feel special. And...I'll tell you, Mare - I left once they got on the bus - feeling completely "elevated" - by seeing the good that my son was doing!

    I also, watch very little television - and really do see this as a positive in my life - in so many ways. One of which is - being happy!

    <abbr>Lances last blog post..A Simple Holiday and Life Hack</abbr>
  • Happiness is definitely a choice! Happily, sometimes it's simply choosing to "turn off" distractions such as tv or work. Other times, it's choosing where to direct your attention or with whom to spend your time.

    I'm always uplifted when I come here! Thanks for providing a "happiness" destination!

    <abbr>Kathy - Virtual Impaxs last blog post..You can’t make money sitting on your ass</abbr>
  • Mare
    Hi Vered: I turn my computer on every single day, though I can go without cell phone, land phone, or TV with no problem. I need to seriously consider zero computer for one day a week.

    Hi Stacey: I think unhappy people think that happy people are just faking it :-)

    Hi Lance: That's a great story, what a little gentleman! It's certainly a reflection of how you're raising him.

    Hi Kathy: I'm going to trim my tree this weekend, watch some Christmas movies I have on DVD, light my Cinnamon/apple candle, and listen to Christmas music. I know these are all things that make me happy. I'm glad that this blog is a happiness destination for you :-)
  • Dot
    A "secular Sabbath" -- that's a great concept. I've already been doing that, in a way, since I need to rest one full day (if not more) every week because of health issues. About that study on TV watching -- since reading takes noticeably more energy for me, on my day of rest I usually watch TV. Nothing else is as distracting without being more draining. I'd love to see a similar study on happiness and computer use. :-)

    <abbr>Dots last blog post..Weird Tip Tuesday - Eat Less Butter</abbr>
  • Dot
    Oops, I forgot to say that reading Roger Ebert's writing often "elevates" me and makes me want to be a better person. I like that concept of elevating.

    <abbr>Dots last blog post..Weird Tip Tuesday - Eat Less Butter</abbr>
  • I am extremely happy and I watch TV 8 hours a day..... JK! I agree with much of the post. Very nice!

    <abbr>Marks last blog post..The Week Remembered</abbr>
  • Great elevating post! I agree - happiness is a choice. And viral as well.

    If people think about it, it's not hard to get in a bad mood when someone is less than nice to you, so why is it so hard to believe the opposite?

    I have been trying to do and say nice things that I am thinking about but that I usually feel uncomfortable saying to people. Why is it so uncomfortable for example, to tell someone, anyone that you like their shoes or their hair looks nice. Do you know what that does to a person's whole day?

    I'm motivated again. Thanks for the great post.

    <abbr>Dee Langdon - BloggerNewbies last blog post..Do You Think Blogging Is Becoming Over Saturated?</abbr>
  • Mare
    Hi Dot: There's exceptions to everything, and if reading drains you too much then I guess TV is the best option for you. I really like the concept of elevation too.

    Hi Mark: My favorite part are the studies that show that happiness is contagious.

    Hi Dee: I definitely agree that an honest complement can make a person's day. I know people who are very happy and when they walk in they light up at the room. We need more people like that in the world :-)
  • A real pot of gold here.

    20 things I like to do, then do them. Priceless.

    I don't watch much t.v. at all, of course I'm on the computer too much but still, I'm happier here creating and connecting thatn having my empty vessel filled with other peoples' ideas. And blaring commercials, even with the mute button on, they still manage to blare.

    <abbr>Jannies last blog post..Well, it was Thanksgiving Friday and all…</abbr>
  • Wow Mare, what a fantastic list! The 20 items up top is a fantastic idea. Thank you so much for that one. The one about the TV was so true as well. :)

    <abbr>Ariel - You Are Truly Loveds last blog post..The Deeper Purpose Behind the Law of Attraction</abbr>
  • I agree with it all----except the tv part!
    ive seen that study a bunch now and always beg to differ.

    Im so happy and content and, alas, love my tv shows....

    <abbr>MizFits last blog post..Who’s the new MotorolaMizFit?! (& other random Friday chickenbus)</abbr>
  • Happy people watch little TV? This is interesting for me. I must be really happy then...LOL!! (Perhaps MizFit is the exception!!)

    I also like the ripple effect that you reported. It's nice to know how contagious happiness can be!!

    <abbr>Evelyn Lims last blog post..How NOT Embracing The Truth Causes Knee Pains</abbr>
  • Hi Mare - I started reading this yesterday. This has been happening to me a lot this week.

    I love the idea of making a 20 things list. I think I will try that - it will definitely help to keep life in balance.

    It's great that more people are focusing on positive psychology isn't it? I began studying a psychology degree a few years ago and I was going to train to be a psychologist but I didn't like all the focus on what was wrong. In recovering from PTSD what really worked for me was focusing on what I wanted, instead of what I didn't want.
  • Interesting correlation to TV viewing. I have never been much of a TV viewer, but my ex was and he was not a happy person by any stretch of the imagination. The Lion and I don't want TV at all. We do work our way through dvd's but only 30 minutes per day max. We are very happy people :)
  • Kim Woodbridge
    I've been curious about the tv study - I tend to agree with it because I don't like watching it. I never really have. But I don't think I'm happier because of it.

    I don't have a list of twenty things but do have a schedule for each day. If I don't feel like doing anything, I just get started on it and usually feel better.

    I like the idea that happiness is contagious.

    <abbr>Kim Woodbridges last blog post..Stuff This in Your RSS - 12/02/08 - Eleblog</abbr>
  • Mare
    Hi Jannie: I'd rather be at my computer than watching television too. Creating beats sitting passively absorbing the made up lives of other people :-)

    Hi Ariel: Thank you. I really liked the advice about creating a list of twenty things that you enjoy doing and then actually do them as well. It seems obvious but most people don't follow this advice.

    Hi MizFit: Yeah, the TV one has proved to be quite controversial :-)

    Hi Evelyn: We pick moods from others like the cold virus :-)

    Hi Cath: Positive psychology is making some very important contributions to mental health. The main goal in life should be to be happy.

    Hi Urban Panther: I rented Wall-E from Blockbusters this weekend and I've had so much more interesting stuff to do than sitting in front of my TV that I gave it back without watching it.

    Hi Kim: I guess it's like me and jogging. There are days when I really don't feel like doing it; but I hop on the treadmill and get started anyway and then I really start to get into it.
  • Hi Mare,

    Great article. I stumbled it. These are some good tidbits of wisdom that are easy to start and put into practice. So much so that I am going to go and make my list of 20 right now! ;-)

    Cheers,
    Jeremy

    <abbr>Jeremy Days last blog post..The Eclectic Mix</abbr>
  • Love the anonymous story, made me smile. Overall I'm a happy person, I'm content, but I still want to improve upon some things, just for additional inner peace (been thinking about that a lot more as I age).

    Anywho I love the thought of surrounding yourself with people that are happy and even people who share your goals and vision in life. ...this could be your spouse, significant other...if they are not happy or not contributing to your happiness it's much more of a struggle.

    <abbr>Naturals last blog post..The Day of the Fight</abbr>
  • I love the idea of unplugging for one day a week. I don't feel that I have that luxury right now because I'm working on building my Work Happy Now empire, but very soon I will be unplugging Sundays.

    Burning that candle at both ends gives you a burnt butt. I want my mind and butt to be calm and ready for work every Monday.

    <abbr>Karl Staib - Work Happy Nows last blog post..So You Want a Boost to Your Career? Try Seth Godin’s MBA program</abbr>
  • The elevation concept is an interesting one.

    I like the information you include regarding how our happiness effects others. This is indeed, why, being happy is a moral obligation.

    <abbr>Bamboo Forests last blog post..7 Greatest Strikes of All Time</abbr>
  • Reading posts like this makes me very happy ;) I find the bit about watching TV really interesting and I wonder whether it's unhappy people are drawn to television or television generates unhappiness. I bet it's a combination. I do find that when I'm burnt out or feeling down, I tend to watch more TV than usual.

    <abbr>Melissa Donovans last blog post..How to Write a Novel (Part II)</abbr>
  • Mare
    Hi Jeremy: I saw your list and left a comment there :-)

    Hi Natural: I just finished watching the movie "Patch Adams" (yes, I was watching TV :-) ). They tried to kick him out of medical school for, among other things, excessive happiness.

    Hi Karl: The Secular Sabbath is something I want to adopt as well.

    Hi Bamboo: Being happy is a moral obligation . . . I like that :-)

    Hi Melissa: And it makes me happy to write these posts :-)
  • Hi Marelisa - I love the ideas of unplugging one day a week (I usually do that on Saturday) and spending time with happy people. It makes a huge difference.

    <abbr>Barbara Swafford - Bs last blog post..When Your Truth Is Different Than Mine</abbr>
  • Great tips, Marelisa. Course, one thing I like to do is help make someone else laugh, because when others laugh you just can't help yourself and have to laugh also.

    <abbr>Mitchs last blog post..Is Social Media Hurting Your Online Business?</abbr>
  • Mare
    Hi Barbara: I think that's one of the reasons I love being with my two little nephews so much. They're two of the happiest people I know.

    Hi Mich: Making others laugh is definitely a way to spread the happiness around :-)
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