(“If You Put That Picture On The Internet I’ll Call My Lawyer”; courtesy of Jeremy Brooks)
“Jupiter has bestowed far more passion than reason – you could calculate the ratio as 24 to one. He set up two raging tyrants in opposition to Reason’s solitary power: anger and lust. How far Reason can prevail against the combined forces of these two the common life of man makes quite clear. Reason does the only thing she can and shouts herself hoarse, repeating the formulas of virtue, while the other two bid her go hang herself, and are increasingly noisy and offensive, until at last their Ruler is exhausted, gives up, and surrenders.”
The quote above is from the book “Emotional Intelligence”
On the other hand, not being able to self-soothe and let go of negative feelings can lead to many wasted hours stewing in unproductive emotions. By learning to manage your emotions–and for the purposes of this post, learning how to manage anger–you’ll be freeing up countless hours and even days, weeks, and months.
Feeling and showing anger at the right time, in the right degree, and in the right way helps us to get along well with others while setting necessary limits and boundaries so that we can create and live our best life. Anger can also serve as a motivator to help propel us in the direction of our dreams. However, anger that is excessive and/or out of place can lead us to take action that is not in our best interest. In addition, suppressed anger can fester and can lead to a host of problems, such as poor health, dysfunctional relationships, low self-esteem, inability to focus and concentrate, and so on.
Excessive Anger
Anger produces a physiological response in the body: your heart rate increases, blood rushes to your limbs, and a rush of hormones such as adrenaline increases the energy necessary for action. This physiological response creates tension, and letting anger out as aggression can momentarily provide some release from said tension. However, an aggressive response rarely solves the underlying problem; instead, it will likely escalate the situation and lead to even more anger, tension, and aggression.
There are many methods you can use to help you defuse the anger caused by any given situation in which you feel that you’ve been wronged, taken advantage of, or otherwise treated unfairly in some way. You’ll find a few recommendations in the conclusion of this article. By lessening the intensity of your anger you will put yourself in a position from which you can act in a constructive and assertive manner, and communicate your feelings and needs effectively, instead of lashing out at others and acting in a way that does not serve you well.
Suppressed Anger
At the other extreme, some people cope with anger by suppressing it. They simply try to focus on something else and hope that by not thinking about it, the anger will go away. Anger that is not allowed outward expression turns inward. This response to anger can cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or even severe depression. In addition, many people who suppress their anger tend to have addictive behaviors, such as overeating, gambling, drinking, and so on. They also tend to be moody and have a low tolerance for even minor irritations.
If you have a tendency to suppress anger, you need to find ways to release the anger instead of burying it. Pretending that the anger is not there is a form of resistance toward the anger. Hale Dwoskin, one of the founders of the Sedona Method–a method which consists of a series of questions you ask yourself that lead your awareness to focus on what you’re feeling in the moment and gently guide you toward letting it go–, has the following to say about releasing negative emotions: “The instant you stop resisting any negative emotion… is the instant it gives up its hold over you. So, welcome the feeling and then let it go. This frees up space for you to begin feeling good – feeling the peace that you truly are.”
Conclusion
There are many ways in which to diffuse anger such as unplugging yourself from the situation, going for a walk, reframing the situation, engineering some small triumph for yourself to lift your mood, and so on. I mention the Sedona Method, The Silva Life System for meditation, and Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) on this blog every chance that I get, because I personally have benefited enormously from applying these methods. All three are very effective for dealing with anger.
Applying these techniques will help dissolve your anger and will allow you to free yourself from its negative side effects, including mental upset, physical disturbances, and tensions in your relationships. At the same time, once you learn how to release the tension that accompanies anger you will be in a better position to respond to any anger-producing situation in a calm manner that will help you resolve the situation, instead of either ignoring it or making it worse.
Elsewhere in the Blogosphere:
- Avani-Metha has a great series on anger management on her blog.
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