Six Steps to Creating the Life You Really Want

In my blog post “Decide What You Want” published on June 23rd, I shared with you that the first step in creating your ideal life is to decide what you want. In said post you were encouraged to think of the best life you can possibly imagine and list everything you would like to be, do and have—small, large, and even outrageous–in the next 30 years.

I also added that one month later—which is now—I would publish a post which would highlight the next steps you need to take to make your ideal life go from the drawing board to reality. So, true to my word, here it is.

It has been shown that we can only do three to five things at a time if we’re going to do them well.  So take out your list of dreams, choose five items, and put them in order of priority.  These are the ones you’ll be working on first.  Later, when you’ve achieved these five dreams, you can choose another five, then the next five, and so on.

The six steps that follow for creating the life you really want are roughly modeled after the principles set forth in Sonia Choquette’s book, Your Heart’s Desire: Instructions for Creating the Life You Really Want.

Focus on What You Want

Sonia begins her book by explaining that clear focus is like a magic wand. The concept of “focus” can be broken down into two different parts: you have to be clear on what you want and, once you know what you want, you have to keep your attention focused on it.

She further suggests that if you’re blocked or confused about what your heart’s desire is, you should start by looking at your immediate life and ask yourself what you need. What are the obvious needs and desires you have right now? Do you need to find a way to organize your home? Do you need to have more fun? Do you need to find a method to juggle your different roles? What frustrates, aggravates, and irritates you at this very moment?

If your dream is to write a novel but you’re always exhausted because your 8 month-old baby won’t sleep through the night and your house is in complete disarray, you first need to achieve the goal of getting the baby to sleep through the night and getting the house in order before you can pursue your dream of writing a novel. That is, there may be steps that you need to take first in order to lay the foundation for your heart’s desire.  When your life is in good shape, you can go for the ideal.

If you’re blocked about your heart’s desire Sonia Choquette also advices that you ask yourself whether you’re substituting someone else’s “rational” goals for your own. In addition, are you dismissing true desires as unimportant or unrealistic?  In Living Your Best Life: Ten Strategies for Getting From Where You Are to Where You’re Meant to Be, Laura Berman Fortgang suggests that you pay attention to when your emotions are telling you “I want this”, and your thoughts are saying “I should do this”. She adds the following:

“When you pay more attention to how you feel in a situation instead of relying on your linear, logical judgment, you will have quicker access to the answers that will make a difference in attaining what you want.”

Once you know what you want, you have to put your attention on it continuously.  The Law of Focused Attention from Mark Joyner’s “Simpleology” states that in order to hit a target, you must focus sufficient attention on it until you hit it.  Whatever you put your attention on is where you’re directing your creative energy.

Most of us spend our lives focusing our attention on things other than our desired targets.  Once you’ve identified your heart’s desire, you must give it your full attention. Sometimes you need to lower your expectations in the short run and make your focus very narrow and very simple.  Then, once you’ve hit that target, you can move on to the next one.

Your Beliefs have to Support Your Dreams

Your belief system operates subconsciously and automatically, and it will determine what you make of any situation.  Depending on whether your beliefs are expanding or limiting, you will find either possibility or a road block. For example, if you hold the belief that you never do anything right, your subconscious mind will lead you through life dramas that allow you to validate and live out that belief over and over again.

If you consciously have a desire but subconsciously you harbor beliefs that are contrary to what you want, it will be very difficult for you to achieve your dreams.  For example, if you set the goal of becoming wealthy while holding the belief that you don’t deserve wealth, or that you’re not smart enough to be wealthy, or that creating wealth requires making enormous sacrifices, you simply won’t allow yourself to be rich.

Your subconscious must accept and believe in your dreams.  There are many methods you can use to replace your old limiting beliefs with new, life-affirming beliefs.  Three of these are the following:

• The Sedona Method: The Sedona Method is a simple, yet powerful, easy-to-learn technique that helps you let go of any negative, uncomfortable or painful emotions you may be experiencing at any particular moment, as well as allowing you to release negative beliefs.

• Positive Affirmations:  Affirmations are simply statements that we make to ourselves; it’s our self-talk. You use affirmations all the time, whether you’re doing so intentionally or unintentionally.  By repeating positive affirmations you can reprogram your thought patterns and replace negative beliefs with positive beliefs. You can get started with positive affirmations by reading Louise Hay’s wonderful book,  I Can Do It.

• Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT): Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) consists of tapping on energy points located throughout the body with your fingertips in order to release negative emotions, memories, and beliefs.

Use Your Imagination

Your imagination is very powerful, and it can be a great aid if you use it correctly. Use your imagination to your advantage by visualizing yourself achieving each of your life’s dreams.  Real imagination involves all of your senses and emotions. You have to evoke an internal experience of what you really want. What does it look like? What does it feel, sound, smell, like? Can you taste it?

There are three different visualization tools you can use:

A. Create a Vision Board. If “visit Paris” is on your dream list, go to travel agencies and ask for brochures. You can also purchase travel magazines that include articles on Paris. Cut out the pictures and glue them on a large poster board. Look at your Paris collage or “Vision Board” often–at least once when you wake up and once right before going to bed–and imagine that you’re actually there.

B. Create a mindmovie. Collect pictures of Paris from different places on the internet and create a mindmovie. Add music–maybe “La Vie en Rose”–, add affirmations–”I am now packing for my trip to Paris”, “I now have reservations at the Four Seasons Hotel George V Paris”, “I’m so happy to be in Paris” and so on–, and sit down each morning and watch your mindmovie.

C. Use creative visualization. Creative visualization is using your imagination to create a clear mental picture of something you want to create in your life. A very useful tool for applying creative visualization is The Silva Life System. The Silva Life System will teach you how to slow down your brain waves to the alpha level, the brain frequency associated with meditation. It has been shown that the use of affirmations and creative visualization is more effective at the alpha level.

Better yet, use all three methods!

Release Worry, Doubt, and Fear

“Having conceived of his purpose, a man should mentally mark out a straight pathway to its achievement, looking neither to the right nor left.  Doubts and fears should be rigorously excluded.  They are disintegrating elements which break up the straight line of effort, rendering it crooked, ineffectual, useless.”

– James Allen

Fear is an emotion that reflects back to you an internal thought process that is telling you that there will be a negative outcome, and that you won’t be able to cope with said outcome. If you’re feeling fear, it’s because you’re having fearful thoughts.

The easiest way to overcome fear is to replace the thoughts that are causing the fear with thoughts that make you feel peaceful and calm. In addition, ask yourself: what is the most constructive thing I can do right now in order to take the next step toward accomplishing my goals?

We are afraid of many things, such as:

• Fear of imperfection: a lot of people have a tendency to put things off until the conditions are just right.
• Fear of making a mistake: many people have such an overwhelming fear of making a mistake that they choose not to do anything at all.
• Fear of success: some people fear that if they succeed the bar will just get higher and higher; they also fear they will lose any success that they achieve.
• Fear of rejection: you may refrain from pursuing your goals because of fear of anger, resentment, or jealousy from others.
• Fear of change: we resist change because it means that part of our old self must die.

Make Yourself Magnetic

It is a common saying that you should first “be”, then “do” and then you will “have”.  That is, you have to start by being the kind of person who creates an ideal life.  You can do this by making yourself magnetic in the following ways:

• Be grateful for what you have instead of focusing on what you lack.
• Take care of yourself: eat well, exercise, take time for yourself, meditate, and make sure you’re well-groomed.
• Demonstrate ease: stop complaining, stop making excuses, don’t overreact to problems, don’t promise more than you can deliver, don’t take on more than you can do, and be solution-oriented.
• Treat yourself with respect, ask plainly for what you need, take responsibility for yourself, and invest in yourself and in your growth.  Honor your worth and your time.
• Give yourself permission to be and do what you want.  Follow your inner guidance.
• Know what is unacceptable to you and communicate boundaries.
• Stay in your own life: stop comparing yourself to others and don’t stray from your path because you’re trying to copy what someone else is doing.
• Be specific as to what you want.
• Be compassionate and patient with other people. In addition, you should be as happy for the success of others as you are of your own.
• Expect success.

Act in a Way that is Consistent with Your Heart’s Desire

 

When you’ve identified your heart’s desire you have to commit yourself to do everything in your power to make it happen. Don’t waste your time on things that are not bringing you closer to what you want and don’t make excuses about avoiding the work. You have to take consistent action, that is, every day you have to take some step to take you closer to your dream.  Do the following:

• Protect your dream by removing yourself from non-supportive influences, such as toxic friends or environments that keep you stuck.
• Reevaluate your time.  Go though your day and make sure that the actions you’re taking are necessary—and not “filler activities”—, and that you take effective action, defined as “action which moves you in the direction of getting what you want”.
• Commit yourself to your dream.
• Begin.  In the words of Martin Luther King, “You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”

Conclusion

By identifying what you truly want, focusing your attention on it, aligning your beliefs with your dreams,  visualizing your dreams as if they have already come true, releasing worry, doubt, and fear, making yourself magnetic, and acting consistently to move in the direction of your dreams, you can achieve anything you set your heart to.

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(“Genie in a Bottle”; courtesy of RedheadRaye)

Related Posts:

• Psycho-Cybernetics: How to Change Your Self Image
• The Silva Life System – Make Your Life Better, Better, and Better
• Four Ways to Achieve a Productive State of Mind
• Lessons from “The Science of Getting Rich” (Part 1)

I Recommend:

Imagine waking up each morning to a life that’s centered around your life goals, instead of trying to fit what’s most important to you into the nooks and crannies. “How To Live Your Best Life- The Essential Guide for Creating and Achieving Your Life List” will show you how.

“How to Be More Creative – A Handbook for Alchemists” explains that creativity is not the sole domain of the arts but is important in any field. Whatever you do, creativity helps you do it better. Discover practical advice on how to be more creative in every life endeavor by reading my ebook.

What important task or project have you been procrastinating on? Whether it’s starting a blog, writing a novel, going back to school, decluttering your home, or starting an exercise program, my ebook, “Make It Happen! A Workbook for Overcoming Procrastination and Getting the Right Things Done”, will help you get started and see the task or project through to completion.