(“The Kiss by Gustave Klimt”; courtesy of cerdsp)
“Even after all this time
The sun never says to the earth ‘you owe me’.
Look what happens with a Love like that!
It lights the whole Sky.”– Hafiz
The word love, in a romantic context, can mean both ecstasy and torment. Love can be said to exist when the happiness of another is as important to you as your own. Some scientists argue that love is simply a hormone-induced state meant to perpetuate the species. Erich Fromm declared that love is a skill which should be learned, practiced, and mastered. We write love letters, receive love poems, listen to love songs on the radio, and read love stories. So, what is love?
The Anatomy of Love
Anthropologist Helen Fisher has studied love for over thirty years and has written books such as “Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love” and “Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray”. She argues that much of our romantic behavior is hard-wired. Citing evidence from studies of humans and primates, Dr. Fisher demonstrates marked parallels between the behaviors, feelings and chemicals that underlie “romantic love” and those associated with substance addiction. Fisher argues that because infants are helpless, there is an imperative for mother and father to cooperate in child-rearing. Romantic love, she contests, drives men and women to come together long enough to conceive. A different stage of love, which is “attachment”, involves a different chemical basis, and is meant to keep the two together long enough to support a child until weaning.
Is Love an Art?
(“….this is love”; courtesy of amanda blank)
“The Art of Loving” by psychoanalyst Erich Fromm (1900 – 1980) was published in 1956. In it, love is presented as a skill that can be taught and developed, and that requires knowledge and effort, as opposed to being simply a pleasant sensation that arises by chance. Dr. Fromm argues that we use almost all of our energy in learning how to achieve success, prestige, money, and power, and almost none to learn the art of loving.
He argues that most people see the problem of love as that of “being lovable”, as opposed to the problem being one’s capacity to love. People therefore go to great lengths to be worthy of love, taking care of their physical appearance, chasing after visible signs of success, developing pleasant manners and interesting conversation, and so on, in order to be deemed love worthy. In addition, people tend to think that loving is simple and what is difficult is finding the right the person to love.
Fromm goes on to argue that love is an art; and in order to learn how to love we must proceed in the same way we would to learn any other art, such as drawing, medicine, carpentry, engineering, and so on. That is, we must master both the theory of love—like a student of medicine studies the human body and various diseases–, as well as the practice of loving. In fact, he argues that we must practice the art of love until it we have mastered it.
The Symposium – Love is the Desire and the Pursuit of the Whole
(“Shut the World Away”; courtesy of SaylaMarz)
In “The Symposium”, a philosophical account written by Plato on a discussion a group of men were having on the nature of love, one of the men present—Aristophanes—argued that formerly the natural state of man was quite different. Man was round and had four arms and four legs, two faces on a round neck, four ears, and so on. This race of man was very strong, and they attempted to climb to the heavens and attack the gods. In order to weaken them, the god Zeus split them in half.
Each half then wanted the other, and they threw their arms around each other desiring to grow together in the embrace. Aristophanes concludes his speech as follows: “So you see how ancient is the mutual love implanted in mankind, bringing together the parts of the original body, and trying to make one out of two, and to heal the natural structure of man”.
Love Through the Eyes of Children
A group of 4 to 8 year-olds was asked the following question: “What does love mean?” Here are the answers they gave:
- “When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.” Rebecca – age 8
- “When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.” Billy – age 4
- “Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.” Danny – age 7
- “Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss.” Emily – age 8
- “Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.” Bobby – age 7
- “Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.” Noelle – age 7
- “Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.” Tommy – age 6
- “Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.” Chris – age 7
- “When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.” Karen – age 7
- “You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” Jessica – age 8
The Poet Rumi in Love
The great Sufi Mystic Rumi, his heart filled with love and his body shaking with passion, knocked on the door of his beloved.
“Who is there?” she asked.
“It is your lover, Rumi”, he answered.
“Go away, for there is no room for the two of us here,” the voice responded.
Confused and distraught, Rumi went off to his meditations and prayers. Later he returned to the house of his beloved and knocked again.
“Who is there?” she asked.
“It is you,” Rumi resplied.
The door was thrown open and the lovers passionately embraced.
Love is Blind
Shakespeare may have been onto something when he said that love is blind. Scientists have discovered that when people are in love certain cognitive functions are reduced, including those linked with negative emotions, planning, critical social assessment, and the evaluation of trustworthiness and fear. This phase, during which faults are ignored, can last from one to two and a half years; that is, the time necessary to produce children. However, the quote below offers a different interpretation:
“So Babbie loved the little minister for the best that she had ever seen in man. I shall be told that she thought far more of him than he deserved, forgetting the mean in the worthy: but who that has had a glimpse of heaven will care to let his mind dwell henceforth on earth? Love, it is said, is blind, but love is not blind. It is an extra eye, which shows us what is most worthy of regard. To see the best is to see most clearly, and it is the lover’s privilege.”
– J.M. Barrie “The Little Minister”
Conclusion
(“Two Souls”; courtesy of **ANNE)
I would agree that there is both science and art in love, but above anything else, love is spiritual, for as Zora Neale Hurston proclaimed: “Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.”
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